A Broken Hallelujah
by ebonyflamez
Summary: Based on challenge... William sees the Master and Angelus together... 100 years later he wants an explanation COMPLETE


Ok I am bored and I should be revising but I am too tired at the mo. So I was flicking through the previous challenges - as you do - and I liked the sound of this one. Here goes...

Title: A Broken Hallelujah

Author: ebonyflames

Feedback: ebonyflames666...

Rating NC17

AU Angel/Spike

Warning: Mentions Rape and Child abuse

Summary:FGF Challenge #197.txt

William saw Angelus with the Master when he was a Fledging, Angelus let William take him too and now they're going to talk about it...

Disclaimer: I cannot claim ownership (or responsibility) for any of the recognisable ATS and BTVS characters - they belong to the god that is Joss and Mutant Enemy. I just make them dance for pleasure... Oh and if some of the speech is familiar its just cos I couldn't improve on the actual script...

The candles made the impossibly long stone corridor seem warm and welcoming. The muted light and the haze that the light smoke from the candles almost made this into a castle from a poem or one of Dru's fairytales. He hated coming here. He hated what they had to be when they were here. Here it was all rules and Lore. At home, well when Darla was away, they always had fun. Angelus always demanded the respect his position was due but he was happy to treat William as a friend of sorts. He called him Will and they had competitions when they hunted. Of course he was always allowed to take Dru before him, but that, and general respect, was all that he demanded. When Darla returned it was all about the Lore and no fun. He had only been a vampire for 11 years and of those he had only enjoyed 7 of them. That was because these were the times that it was just the three of them. The other 4 years had been with Darla and two previous trips here, each lasting the required 1 month. He hated it.

Darla was in a foul mood at the moment and that just made it worse. She had dragged Dru into her suite. He had heard her girlish giggles as he had been ordered to get out and stay away. He couldn't find Angelus anywhere and he would rather greet the sun than find Penn. He decided to return to his barren cell and read. Angelus had given him many books on demonology to study. Angelus wanted to create the strongest branch of the family so that one day he would be able to break from the Master's iron grip. Angelus hated the Master. William couldn't work out why - besides the obvious. Angelus' hatred was ice. Usually when he was worked up his anger was hot and fiery. But the odium that he showed the Master was cold. It scared William. He knew that Angelus was the most dangerous of the Order and he was surprised that the Master never seemed concerned by Angelus' obvious abhorrence.

He realised that whilst lost in his musings he had taken a wrong turn in this labyrinth of a lair. He had never been to this part before. The decor was more ornate than his rough mud-carved hole of a room. The torches were no longer lit and the darkness was alive. He could hear it groaning and hissing at his intrusion. He followed the noises and found himself standing infront of an open door, looking at two figures on an ornate four-poster, curtained bed. The fire in the grate and the numerous large church candles gave the room a soft glow. The red velvet furnishings made it seem luxurious and erotic. Then the figures shifted...

He was horrified at the sight before him. That cold white back, muscles clenching and relaxing, arms straining, hips hammering into the pliant body beneath him. The vicious snarls and grunts of pleasure that came from the creature as he found a way to sate his lust. William knew that for vampires the craving that was commonly known as bloodlust was actually a complex mixture of the need to feed, the need to fuck and the need to fight. All had one common theme - domination - power over their prey, power over their subordinates in their own clan and power over all other demons. Despite this innate knowledge from his demon and his own observations whilst with Angelus, Dru and Darla, he had never thought of the Master in that way. Perhaps it was because he had always seemed like a statue that only moved to feed and kill. He had never imagined the Master fucking someone - with very good reason. The wrinkled face, permanently blood stained mouth, ever present fangs and talons, the cold cold body with its hard leathery skin - it was a nightmare to think upon. He had to pity the vampire beneath him, not only for the hideous vision a top it but the ferocity of the pounding. He could tell from the feet, solid thighs, wide back and shortish dark hair that the victim was male. Not only that but the victim was totally passive, unmoving and unwilling to engage in the activity. His whole body screamed to William that this was all for the Master's benefit and that he was an object in this. He was allowed no pleasure or relief (not that William imagined he'd get any from that thing)unless the Master wished it. He quite obviously didn't.

The irresistible aroma of sex and fresh blood drew him further inside the door. He quickly hid himself behind a curtain so that he wasn't seen by either party. He had a better view from here. The Master's face was contorted in pleasure and blood dripped down his chin. William could see a ragged wound in the back on the victim's neck. This vampire was obviously inferior to the Master - but at the same time he must be favoured for the Master to take him to bed. William was only aware of the Master ever bedding Darla, his 'dear one', so this vampire must be of an equal status.

Perhaps it was Luke - the Master's first childe, although the hair seemed to dark... That meant it had to be Nicholas, he was the only one with hair dark enough and the right status in the Clan. Then the Master changed his angle of entry and had William needed to breathe he would have suffocated there and then as no air made it past his lips. There on the 'victim's' shoulder was the image that to him meant safety and home. The Gryphon. It wasn't Nicholas. It was Angelus. His Angelus.

William was furious. How could his magnificent and strong God allow this beast to take him? That wasn't what shocked him though. What shocked him was the heat that was unfurling in the pit of his belly. It spread to his loins and crept up his body when the Master began to demand Angelus moan for him and beg for more. Angelus did. William missed the dead tone in Angelus' voice as the words called to his cock like a sirens song. He found himself panting in time with the Master's thrusts.

Then Angelus turned his head. His eyes locked on William's. For a second William was paralysed by fear, but it was quickly crushed when the Master demanded that Angelus tell him he wanted him. Angelus told him what he wanted to hear but kept his eyes locked on William. He felt his blood begin to pound round his body, drowning out all noise, all smells, all sights - but the beautiful body on the bed. The Master was inconsequential now. He was captured and focused on the fallen angel being brutalised by a creature of the darkest nightmares.

He was dimly aware of the Master screaming out his release and ripping into the cream throat, but even the smell of blood didn't move him from his trance. He heard the Master laugh and mutter "Good Boy" or something to that effect but it was as if he was underwater - he was drowning in want and lust. A want that he had never felt before. Not even for his Dark Princess. He felt the flare of jealousy race through his veins as the Master seized those perfect lips in a rough kiss.

He didn't dare move until the had Master dressed and left the room. He expected Angelus scream at him, threaten to stake him or beat the unlife out of him. Angelus barely moved, and William moved to the bed.

The smell of blood and come attacked and overwhelmed his senses. As he got closer he became aware that the sheets weren't covering Angelus anymore. He had never really seen a naked man before. He had been brought up a prudish Victorian and the only male he had ever lived with really was Angelus, and he had his own quarters. William was entranced by the expanse of creamy white skin spread tightly over well defined muscles. The dark ink of the tattoo, the dark silky locks that brushed his shoulders and the crimson blood on his neck and between his legs made his skin seem like moonlight, glowing a soft white in the light of the flames. William reached out in his trance and stroked a hand down the soft skin of Angelus' back and to the cleft between his cheeks.

Something snapped.

He wasn't concentrating really on what he was doing, it was as if his body were on auto-pilot. He'd never even contemplated fucking another man but his body knew what to do. William roughly seized Angelus' legs and spread them apart. He freed his erect and weeping cock from the confines of his too tight trousers. He pushed at the abused hole with one finger and used another from his other hand to spread the hole wider. Without even preparing Angelus he surged forward until his cock was buried to the hilt inside cool, soft yet incredibly muscular tissue.

The muscles naturally clamped down around his shaft and he moaned low in his throat. He pulled out until just his head remained gripped by the tight ring and then slammed back in. The tightness round his cock was indescribable. He growled low in his throat and built up the pace. He alternated between gripping the powerful arms leaving black welts on the flawless skin and raking his nails down the broad back as he scrabbled for purchase as the sensations built around his cock and in the pit of his stomach.

He never stopped to consider that although Angelus had never objected, this was still rape. Angelus just lay there taking William into his body, not moving a muscle to stop the younger vampire.

A few more thrusts and William was unable to hold back, he released his orgasm straight into the pliant body beneath him. His come mixing with the Master's deep inside Angelus, running down his legs becoming pink as the blood tinged it. As he came, William sunk his fangs into the thick neck in front of him, directly over the Master's mark. As soon as the old, powerful blood hit the back of his throat he orgasmed again - more powerfully than he had ever done before in his life. He gripped. Angelus' hair and yanked his head back to rip a kiss from those pink heart shaped lips. He pushed his tongue between them and began to lick all traces of the Master away from this dark cavern - it was his! He nipped the lips, drawing blood, and swirled his tongue over canines and tongue and soft palate.

As the aftershocks from his two powerful orgasms calmed, the kiss became softer, yet still Angelus didn't respond. He collapsed, satisfied and pleasantly numb, on top of the broad body. His only regret was that he hadn't had the time to undress, his need had been too great. He wanted to feel that perfect skin - now marked and marred by his passion - against his own. Angelus still didn't move. William pressed a kiss and gentle lick to the bite mark before snuggling further into the body he was pillowed on.

When he awoke, he was in his own bed, still dressed and more importantly, he was alone.

* * *

"Spike?" 

"Sorry Sunshine... spaced out a bit there luv. What were we talkin' 'bout?" Spike snapped back from his memories and gave the petite brunette an apologetic grin.

"I asked you whether you had ever ya know... with another man?" Fred couldn't look him in the eye as she asked. She didn't want him to get the wrong idea but he was the only one that she could ask.

"Why'd ya wanna know pet? Does it get ya goin... the idea of two men, hot and sweaty and movin..."

"Spike please!" She hated the fact that he knew how to embarrass her so easily. She knew that he knew what he was doing, but it annoyed her, especially as she had a valid point. She huffed and fixed him with a no nonsense glare. "I asked you, not for my personal benefit but because Harmony..."

"What's that dumb cow gotta do with this?"

"Don't be mean!" Spike just looked at her on that comment, so she decided to cut her losses and carry on. "Yesterday, Harmony asked me a question that I couldn't answer, and I want ta know the answer. Just, well, I couldn't really ask Wesley and I didn't want to ask Angel cos... never mind... so you were the only one I could ask."

"Why couldn't you ask Peaches? He's your mate ain't he?"

"Well he's got a lot on his mind at the moment, ya know, with the dreams an' all... Anyway, Harmony heard a rumour that all vampires were, well, bi. Ya know, bisexual." Her voice had dropped to a whisper and she was glancing around as if someone was going to yell at her for bringing up a 'naughty' subject.

Spike loved the innocence that Fred still possessed - despite all she had been through, she was at times still a little girl. In a way she was a non-crazed Dru. But without the visions. He wondered whether or not he'd have liked Dru if she hadn't been mad. It had been quite charming really. He chuckled and offered her a wicked smirk.

"Daren't talk to Percy eh? Scared that he'd get the wrong idea?"

"Spike! Just answer the question!"

"Ok Pet, no need to start with the violence. That is a mean right hook you've almost got there." He backed away and hopped up onto a lab bench. "I guess you could say that they are. But really, vamps are just demons really. We have no morals so anythin' 's fair game really. Live to fight, feed an' fuck - that's it. Don't matter about sex - or species... I mean 'av you seen a chaos demon? All slime and antlers - bloody disgustin if ya ask me! But Dru thought he was a charmin squire! Can you believe that?"

Fred just looked at him. She had found that whilst she rambled he had the attention span of a goldfish. Sometimes it was best just to wait until he came back on his own.

"Anyway... demons sleep wiv whatever they want. They got no emotions really see, so don't fall in love or nothin' so sleep wiv and kill whoever they want. 'S an easy way of life. Miss the simplicity sometimes..."

Fred felt sorry for the vampire. She had never considered it like that before. Although she had to admit, she was sure who seemed to suffer more Angel or Spike. Spike missed being a demon but Angel was haunted by it. Being Fred she pitied them equally.

"Thanks Spike - guess I should go and tell Harmony that it's all a matter of choice. That's right, right?"

"Yeah Ducks, that's right. Come on, I'll escort you - gotta go annoy Ponce for a bit. Break up the monotony like." He smirked and offered her his arm. As he escorted her from the lab his mind was not only on the past but also on Fred's slip. What dreams?

* * *

Wesley was concerned. Angel was distracted and brooding more than usual. Cordy had always been the one that tackled Angel in the past about these bouts of depression. He never really opened up to her but she always snapped him out of it. Now she was gone and he was now Angel's oldest friend. He briefly contemplated checking the Wolfram and Hart database on Angel to see if that shed any light on the situation. The shame that that idea brought made him swiftly rethink and he realised that he had to talk to Angel. Sooner rather than later.

He headed to Angel's office. He met Spike and Fred in the lobby. They seemed to be telling Harmony something about vampire's sexual habits, which Wesley had to admit he found strange. After all, Harmony was supposed to be a vampire - although she was a poor excuse for one. He moved to join them as the conversation wound to a close.

"Percy."

Wes had given up on trying to stop Spike calling him that, but had realised that Spike did what he wanted to anyway.

"Spike, Fred. Finished for the day?"

"Yup. Wanna get Chinese like we used to?" Fred offered Wes a shy smile.

"Freddikins that sounds like a marvellous idea! We haven't had a good night together since we came here." Lorne was grinning madly at the other three. "Shall I call our legal eagle? See if he'll join?"

"Sounds good Green."

"Yes, why not. It'll make a nice change from collapsing over half read books... like nobody I know. Actually, would you all mind disappearing for a bit. I'd like to have a chat with Angel and I think that this is the type of thing that is better done... alone."

"The dreams? I thought that they had stopped." Fred winced at the memories that she had of the Hyperion. Angel screaming during the night and spending the days locked away in his office or room. She hated it - he obviously hurt so much.

"No, they just seem to... abate... for awhile and then come back full force." Wes felt uncomfortable about discussing this in the public of the lobby and so motioned for them all to enter the nearest conference room.

"What does he dream about?" Spike couldn't help the nervous flutter that he felt in his stomach.

"I can't begin to imagine what he dreams about. It could be anything really. He has 150years of harming people and then however long he spent in hell to choose from. I am sure that Angel's good dreams are worse than our most terrifying nightmares."

"I agree Muffin. There are some dark things in that big lug's head and I don't think that he'll welcome us sticking our noses in. Leave it alone people... Leave it alone."

There was something in the red eyes that made everyone realise that he knew some of Angel's nightmares. For Lorne, the office gossip, to tell them to butt out, it meant that the situation was more serious than they thought. Spike felt the flutter turn into intrigue. Spike hated to be out of the loop. He guessed that it was because of how he had been treated by Angelus circa 1998 and the Scoobies - all of whom had kept things from him and the paranoia had threatened to drive him insane. He now needed to know what was wrong with Angel.

He knew that the broody poof would never tell him and from the looks of the loyal subjects in here he wasn't going to get much from them either. In fact, it looked like Lorne was the only one who really had any idea of what could be in Angel's head. There was no way that Lime Street was going to tell him anything. Sometimes he really hated having a soul. If he had been soulless a) he wouldn't have cared about Angel's distress - he was a demon, he was meant to enjoy another's pain and discomfort - and b) if he had wanted to know he'd have tortured it out of the humans and Pylean. But he couldn't do that now... it wasn't very soulful. However, there was nothing to stop him finding out another way...

* * *

The take-away meal had been nice. Almost like old times. Only difference was that instead of a snarky ex-Cheerleader come Seer they now had a snarky ex-evil demon come vampire with a soul. Not much difference when Angel really thought about it. Although no one would ever replace Cordy. No one could begin to try. She had been the heart of their group. Now that role was filled by Fred, but it wasn't the same.

He missed having Cordy to talk to. Especially now the dreams were back. She had tried at first to get him to talk about it, then realising how that was never going to happen she had set about distracting him. It had worked as well. They watched movies or trained more than usual so that Angel fell into a dreamless slumber. Now he had no one to do that for him.

He couldn't help but smile at his friends. Gunn and Wesley were arguing over a set of demonic laws that Wes was adamant were outdated and therefore weren't applicable to any modern day cases. Fred went on to tell them about a weapon that she was designing that would act like a burst of sunshine and dust vamps and other nocturnal creatures. Lorne was whipping up Sea Breezes, Margaritas and various other concoctions that were brightly coloured and accompanied by a small umbrella. Spike was telling them stories from the Hellmouth - some of which, Angel had to admit, were hilarious. He tried to stay out of the conversations, content just to listen to the others having fun.

Angel would have been lying had he said he wasn't relieved when the others began to leave. He saw them all to the elevator and bade them good night adding that they should have the morning off. He was so tired as he trugded back to the elevator in his office to go up to hs apartment, that he failed to notice the black clad figure emerge from the stairwell in the lobby.

* * *

Spike sat in the comfy chair in the corner of Angel's room. He had the strangest feeling of deja vu - only this time he wasn't incorporeal or being sucked into Hell. Angel had fallen asleep as soon as he had hit the bed. He had barely managed to remove his clothes and put on his silk pj bottoms before he crashed. Spike coudn't help but recall the scene that Fred had forced him to remember. The skin was just as perfect as it had been then.

Spike had never known what to do about what had happened between them. Angelus nor Angel had ever mentioned it. He acted round William as he had always done. Drusilla had told him about the fun that she had had with Darla and when asked he said that he had spent the night reading. He didn't know whether to be afraid or grateful or insulted by the fact that Angelus refused to acknowledge any of it. Even the part with the Master.

Spike had often tried to recreate what he felt that night, but it had never been as primal or explosive as that night. No other lover had ever satisfied his body as throughly. This plus the refusal to acknowledge what had happened was one of the major issues between them, Spike supposed. He had taken Dru and other females like that, even tried a few men, but nothing came close. Now, as he watched Angel sleep he wondered whether or not he would ever feel it again. With these thoughts rattling around his head Spike drifted off to sleep.

A hoarse scream woke him a few hours later.

Angel was thrashing, or trying to, amongst the sheets. He was on his stomach and it seemed to Spike that there was an invisible weight on Angel's back, holding him in place. Angel was babbling like a frightened child. Spike couldn't make out everything he said but he did hear moans of "No" and "Please Stop", but Spike had no idea of what he was talkng about or afraid of.

He jumped out of his chair and rushed to the bed. It was tearing him apart to see Angel, the strong and unphased Champion, being broken by something that he couldn't fight. He reached out and ran his hand across Angel's shoulders.

The next thing that Spike knew was that he was pinned to the floor beneath a very terrified and viscious Angel. Angel's eyes were glowing a fierce gold, saliva was dripping from the bared fangs and Angel was quivering. Spike could smell the fear that was rolling off Angel. He avoided eye contact with the older vampire and started a soothing sub-sonic purring that caused his chest and arms to vibrate. At the same time he tried to soothe Angel by talking inanely to him.

Gradually Angel came back to reality. He looked down at the vampire trapped below him and quickly lifted himself off Spike. He ran his hand through his hair and over his face.

"Sorry."

"Angel, hey, whats going on?" If Spike wasn't afraid for Angel before he was now.

"It's nothing Spike. Really. Just a nightmare." Angel sat down on the bed. He was still shaking. Spike pulled the comforter off the foot of the bed and wrapped it around the larger vampire. He was devastated when Angel jumped and pulled away from his touch.

"Angel, there is something seriously wrong with you. What was the dream about?" He knelt down in front of the older vampire and tried to keep eye contact.

"What, are you spying on me now? What the hell are you doing up here anyway?" Angel's fear turned to anger so quickly that Spike felt he had blinked and missed it.

"I was worried about you. Heard the others talkin' earlier and I was worried for you. I know about nightmares luv. Caused a few in my time." Spike bowed his head. He couldn't help it when he reached out and took Angel's hand.

"Don't." Spike looked up. He couldn't figure out what Angel was on about until he snatched his hand away.

"Angel..."

"Not now Spike."

"No! You need to talk about this! Whatever the hell you have got going on in your head you need to let it go!" Spike gripped Angel's hand and held on.

"Let go." Angel's voice was low and deadly. Spike knew that if he didn't he could very well find his head being severed from his body. But he knew that it was more important to get Angel to talk about what was bothering him.

"Not a chance. Not until you tell me what the hell is going on here. You're friends are worried and you are in the mouth of hell Angel, you can't afford to fall apart now." Spike had lowered his voice so that it was calm and soothing. He removed the harsh cockney twang and allowed it to become his true Victorian accent. He lightly brushed his fingers over the hand he was holding.

Angel gave a bitter chuckle and his eyes darkened - with anger or fear, Spike wasn't sure. "This isn't Hell. I've seen Hell and this is a walk in the park."

"I forgot about that. That whats spookin you?"

"Yes, no. Please, you don't want to do this."

"Yes I do Angel. OK so we aren't the best of friends but we were once and do you see anyone else here? All your other friends have gone home to their comfy beds and sweet dreams. 'M here Angel. You need to talk to someone and 'm 'ere. Please... who else would understand?"

Angel took a deep breath. "I don't want to do this. You don't want me to do this Spike... trust me."

"No Angel. I do want you to do this. Nothing can get you here ok? You're safe, ok?"

"Maybe it's not me that I'm protecting here Spike. Maybe... Look lets not OK?"

"Angel, we are staying here til you tell me what the bloody hell is going on! I don't care what you have to say - you are going to say it and get it off your chest. You need to, otherwise it'll destroy you."

Spike couldn't help the growl that was becoming more pronounced as he spoke.

"Ok, ok... Not in here. Get us a drink. I'll be out in a minute."

Spike acquiesced and left the room. As he was hunting for the whisky he heard the shower snap on. He brought the bottle and two glasses to the sofa and place them on the table in front of it. He then went and heated up some blood. He heard the shower turn off just before the microwave dinged. A few moments later Angel appeared. His hair was roughly spiked and he was wearing worn blue jeans and a red long sleeved jumper. He looked so vulnerable.

He took a seat on the sofa. He drained the blood and followed it swiftly with a good shot of whisky. Spike poured him another, took one himself and then just sat back and waited. The silence seemed to last forever but eventually Angel spoke. Spike couldn't help but notice the soft Irish brogue that swept in as he spoke.

"When I was a boy, me Da, thought I was worthless. He kept saying that

I had to have bad blood in me because no son of his would ever be as pathetic as I was. The more he ridiculed me the more problematic I made myself. I'd do anything to have his attention for a while, just on me and not the business or the house. Just me. Eventually it go to the point were we had such a fight that I left the house vowing never to return. Darla killed me that night.

Before that though, before things got so bad, he thought that he had a way to help me. He sent me to this man who helped the priest at the local Church. Da thought that he could get the Devil out of me. At first it was Ok, the man - Donal - just used to tak to me. I found myself going to him more and more, me Da was never there and I couldn't talk to me Ma, so Donal was the only option. Been going to him about a year when he kissed me the first time. Didn't bother me that much, I already had a reputation for being a flirt already by then, but Donal wanted more. When he made me bring him off, I knew that it was wrong. I'm sure you remember the Victorian views on sodomy, well imagine an Irish Catholic's..."

Angel took another shot of whisky from his glass and refilled it. He hadn't once looked at Spike, he just stared at the amber liquid and crystal in his hand, occasionally swirling it for effect. Spike wasn't sure that he liked where this conversation was going. Angel seemed to be drawing in on himself, but Spike needed for him to keep going.

"I told me Da what he had done. Da beat the crap out of me. He took a strap to me, his belt. The buckel hurt like hell if it caught you. He gave me a day to heal and then dragged me back. He made me tell Donal the lie that I had made up about him, apologise and then he left me there. Donal was nice that time. He dressed my back and let me cry. I thought it was over, then a few days later the same thing happened. That time I didn't tell me Da anything, I just thought that he'd leave me alone.

When I was thirteen, I slept with our maid. First person I ever slept with. Da caught us. He told Donal that he wasn't doing a good enough job and that he wasn't hard enough on me. After my back healed, Donal changed the game. He said that if I was old enough to whore myself out to the women of the town, then as payment for all the help he'd given me, whoring myself to him was the least I could do. I remember crying into a lumpy matress. It hurt more than any whipping my father ever gave me."

Angel hadn't noticed that he had drawn his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around himself in a subconcious effort to hold off the demons of his past. He was beginning to shake. Spike wanted to help him somehow but he thought that any moves on his part would be unwelcomed.

"Anytime I tried to talk to me Da about it, he just beat me and sent me back. I slept around more to erase the hurt, stole and fought hoping that Da would realise something was wrong. He never did, he just thought that I was a huge failure. I was lucky though. Donal died when I was 17. I had ten years wthout him. The worst thing about all of it was Donal was my friend...

I thought that when I became a vampire I was free of all things like that. I was wrong, the Master pulled Sire crap on me. I tried to fight the first time and he almost killed me. Drained me until I was almost unconcious and then took me anyway. He wasn't much for audience participation. It was like being fucked by a steel girder. I never knew which was worse him fucking me or the pain from resisting. It was always the same, drained to the point of no return and then he'd fuck me for as long as he wanted. Eventually I stopped fighting.

Darla wouldn't help me, it was his right as the Master. Infact I think that she was proud. He wanted her boy more than he wanted any of the boys he'd made. She was sure it meant I was his chosen successor. He always told me that I had a pretty back. He loved to run his nails down and lick the blood off. I got the tattoo in hope that he would hate it and leave me alone. He thought that the A meant Aurelius, but I told it that it was for Angelus because I belonged to no one. He laughed and said that I was his, I belonged to him.

I kept away from court as much as I could, but I had to go if he summoned me. Tried not to once, Luke came and dragged me there. I amost took his eye out in my fury and really did a number on his face - that's why he always went around in game face, so no one could see what I had done. I rippped Europe apart in retaliation. The Master never wanted humans to know about our kind so I made my killings as grusome and obviously vampiric as I could. My reputation only made him proud and he wanted me more.

The one time that I got away from him, he threatened to take Penn and Drusilla. I may have been evil but I loved them, they were mine and I was not going to allow that bastard to touch what was mine. In return for keeping them safe I had to let him have me... had to be his good little boy."

Spike knew what was coming next and with all his heart he didn't want to hear it. But Angel moved on.

"When I got my soul he wanted nothing to do with me - should have got it earlier really. Surviving with a soul was tough. Eventually it became impossible to survive on just animal blood and as the cities grew farms and wild animals were few and far between. I needed cash to buy food and cothes and a place to live. Not many jobs after sunset. It was easy, humans can't hurt us that much...

I deserved it I guess. A chance for humans to rip into the monster that woud kill them in a heartbeat. I could escape when they had me. After that first thrust, I was gone, the guilt was gone. I just shut down and ignored the world. Came back when they zipped up and dropped the money. Had to stop all of that though. Don't think that Buffy would've understood. Her perfect soulful Angel was a whore. Ironic, a hundred years of sex and it was sleeping with her that cost me my soul."

Tears were pouring down hs cheeks now, but Angel was unaware. He was a broken boy who wanted to be loved not used. The one time that happened and his world was ripped apart.

"That became a feature in Hell. The told me that I was not meant to have pleasure, just meant to give it to others. I was nothing more than a convenient hole. I thought that the Master was a vicious fucker, I was wrong. Some of them weren't even designed to be able to fuck humans, they adapted. Not sure how many times a night they came, but it felt like I serviced all the legions of Hell. It was worse than any torture. At times I saw Donal or the Master or you or Buffy watching and giving them tips. Telling them how hard to thrust or were to bite. They always called me their Angel or Boy. When they left, they were always there in my dreams. They made it so that my body recovered quicker than it should have to get the maximum use out of me. I can still feel their hands and mouths and no matter how many showers I take I'll never wash them off.

That's why I can never go back to Buffy... I'll never be clean. I hated hated having to kiss her when I came back because I knew where my mouth had been. How many demons it had sucked off, how much come it had tasted. I feared kissing or touching her because she'd taste it and she'd know, know what I'd done, know what I was.

At night I used to dream that they had me back, they were holding me down and welcoming me home. Telling me that they had missed me, that I was their boy... I would wake so feral that it would take a while for the world to come back. Then I slept with Darla and my soul wasn't lost. That stopped the dreams. But then you appeared and they were pulling you into Hell. You saved the world and they could still get you! They could get me too... I thought that they might realise that they were after the wrong vampire. I was their whore, they'd want me not you..."

Angel stopped. He couldn't go on. Spike had no idea of what to do. It was like seeing God brought down by man. He imagined that believers at the crucifxion felt this way. He wanted to know why Angelus had let him hurt him so much, why Angel wouldn't talk about it to him. He didn't know how to ask though. They sat in relative silence, until Spike found his voice again. He took a deep breath and it came out like a timid child. He didn't want to cause anymore distress.

"Angel, why did you let me then... that night. You might not have been able to stop the others... but me? You... all you had to do was look at me wrong and you put the fear of Hell into me. You could have stopped me..."

Spike was heartbroken. He had never thought that Angelus was raped, or that Angelus could be broken in anyway. He was dead wrong. Worst of all, it seemed to him as if his actions were worse to Angel than any of the others. He felt sick.

Angel's voice was so soft that he had to focus to hear it.

"I thought you would be different. William was always so gentle. I guess that I wanted you to make it better. Give me something in return. It was always about them, never about my pleasure. It always hurt, in such a way that it wasn't pleasurable at all. I just wanted to feel something..."

Angel had been fighting so hard not to, but at that point he broke. 250years worth of pain broke from his chest in wracking great sobs. Spike ignored the tears in his own eyes and moved to the sofa. He pulled Angel to him, ignoring the protests that sounded like "I'm damaged" and rocked him like a child. He stroked the dark hair and kept a tight hold on the shaking body. He murmured nonsense about how Angel wasn't worthless, how he was a Champion and how many people loved him. Angel was lost to his grief though.

Eventually the sobs subsided and Spike realised that Angel was drained. Careful, so as not to disturb the increasingly precious bundle in his arms, Spike got to his feet and carried Angel to the bedroom. He gently laid Angel on the bed and pulled the covers over him. He placed a gentle kiss on Angel's forehead and grabbed his duster before leaving the apartment.

* * *

He was surprised to see that the gang was in Angel's office when he went down. They were waiting for the traditional Friday morning, end of week meeting. He couldn't meet their eyes.

"Hey blond beauty, where's Angelcakes? You didn't stake him did you?"

Lorne was nervous.

Spike couldn't help the involuntary sucking in of breath that came with that comment. "No I didn't... Look, Big Guy had a bad night right. He ain't comng down today. So you all do what you want, yeah?"

He turned from them to buzz Harmony to cancel all of Angel's appointments and get him a load of fresh blood sent up to the penthouse. He realised that Lorne and Wes were still in the room. They were going to be the hardest to shake. Both knew Angel too well.

"What is going on Spike. I realise that I am only human and you could kill me but let me inform you that I am a damn good shot." He cocked the gun that he held. "And I know that these will hurt like Hell."

Spike didn't rise to the threat. He sank into Angel's chair, being comforted and distressed by it all at once. The smell of Angel surrounded him. "Look, Wes, I aven't done anything. Scout's honour. It's just that, I was worried, heard you lot talkin about the dreams and remembered my time with the First. Wanted to make sure that they were just dreams."

"I am sorry Spike." Wes put the gun away. "I jumped to conclusions, that was unfair. Do you know what is going on?"

"Yeah. Its not pretty. He won't tell you. He's got a lot to deal with... Its complicated. It isn't anything that he did, its Hell. He thinks its catching up to him."

"Listen Spike, get him to open up. Tell him we're here for him and that I might know a spell that could help him sleep at night." With that Wes left.

Lorne narrowed his eyes and fixed the vampire with a look. "I've seen inside that head Sweet Pea. If you use it against him at any point - I will kill you." Lorne, not one to make threats, was aware of the effect that would have on the blonde.

Spike simply nodded and turned back to the elevator.

* * *

Spike entered the quiet apartment. He started to clean up. He washed the mugs and the glasses and left them on the draining board to dry. He then put the whisky away and straightened the cushions on the sofa. He moved to the bedroom to see Angel still fast asleep. He picked up the discarded towels and took them into the bathroom. He hung them over the towel rack and went back to the lounge.

He flicked on the tv and proceeded to channel surf over the few hundred channels that Angel had.

A few hours later and Spike heard the same yelling from the bedroom. He moved back into the bedroom and called Angel's name. Angel was just as feral when he woke, but calmed quicker when he heard Spike's voice. He looked at Spike, despair very evident in those wide brown eyes. There was an innocence there that Spike had never seen before. That he hadn't imagined Angel or anyone other than Fred, capable of. Spike moved to the bed and stroked Angel's arm.

"I want it over. I want it gone. I thought that telling you would get rid of them, that they'd leave me alone. But they're back... they want me back."

"Shh Pet. Its ok... I've got you, I promise I've got you. They can't get you... Shh." Spike moved closer and was relieved that Angel didn't move away. In fact, he moved into the comfort.

Spike suddenly realised that this was how Angel could banish his demons. He needed physical comfort. He craved the contact.

"Pet, Angel? I can take the demons away... I know how to get rid of them. Do you want that?" He felt Angel nod against his shoulder and carried on.

"You have to trust me here luv, can you do that?"

Another nod. Spike shifted his position.

"OK Sweets. Look at me. Keep looking at me... I'm not going to hurt you. Ok? I'm not going to hurt you."

Spike pushed Angel down back onto the bed and lent forward. Gently he placed his lips on Angel's and tried to ignore the shaking man. He licked at the closed lips, causing them to open. He held back a moan as he explored the teeth, gums and shy tongue that started to flick to meet his. He twirled his tongue around Angel's and keep up the gentle coaxing. He eventually drew back and was as much relieved as delighted by Angel following him. He let Angel take control of the kiss, giving himself over completely.

One hand wrapped itself in the silky dark hair, the other trailed down Angel's body, stroking him softly. Gradually Spike moved to cover Angel's body, lying on top of him. Angel stiffened but Spike kept up the gentle and slow strokes and kisses until he calmed. He was relieved to find out that Angel was enjoying the kiss. Angel's arms came up to hesitantly wrap around Spike and pull him further into the kiss. Spike needed to do more though. He needed Angel to want this.

He broke the kiss and looked down at the black eyes. Angel's lips were slightly swollen from the kiss and he was panting despite the fact that he didn't need to breathe. Angel was becoming aroused. Spike smiled down at him.

"Ok Peaches?"

Angel just nodded. Spike moved on to the second part.

He dropped a gently kiss on Angel's lips and then kissed his way to Angel's jaw. As he did so his hands started to play with Angel's nipples through his top. Gently he pulled and rolled them until they hardened. He was surprised at how sensitive they were. He glanced at Angel's face, pleased to see the blissed out expression. His eyes were closed, his mouth open and his tongue kept darting out to wet his lips. Spike pulled his hands and lips away and was positively giddy when Angel moaned at the lost, his hands tried to pull Spike back.

"Shh Pet... Lift up."

Angel did as he was told and Spike pulled the top over his head. Spike then pulled his own top off and lowered back to his task. He kissed and nipped his way down Angel's neck and peppered little kisses across his collar bone. He laved at one nipple, bit it and sucked it into his mouth. He casually rolled the other nub around in his fingers, pinching and pulling at it. Spike switched his mouth to the other nipple.

Encouraged by the breathy moans and little tremors running through Angel's body, he moved his free hand to Angel's crotch. He began to grind it, please to feel Angel coming alive under his ministrations. Spike bit down hard on one nipple and Angel flew off the bed. Spike chuckled and began to move further down the creamy body beneath him. He licked and sucked and performed every oral act that he could imagine on Angel's torso and stomach. He moved the hand that was on Angel's nipple to stroke Angel's sides, feeling Angel quiver when he hit a ticklish spot. The hand stroking Angel's rapidly growing erection flicked open the button on Angel's jeans, lowered the zip and moved inside.

He moved futher down. He glanced up at Angel's face and traced his free hand down his cheek bone.

"Peaches... Baby... I'm gonna get you jeans off now. Ok Ducks?"

His only answer was a raise of the hips and Spike quickly divested Angel of his pants. He briefly admired Angel's cock as it stood away from his body. It was thicker than Spike's and slightly longer. The tip was red and already weeping and Spike didn't hesitate to deep throat him, nuzzling into the dark wiry curls at its base. He felt Angel arch and groan his name and decided that he loved the sound as it fell from Angel's lips. He inhaled the intoxicating musky smell that was Angel and concentrated on swallowing hard.

Angel began to babble. He fisted the bed sheets, Spike's hair - anything he could get his hands on. He practically screamed when Spike released him and moved to place light kisses on Angel's hips and thighs. He pulled on Spike's hair but Spike was focused with his task and smiled into Angel's skin.

"Want something Baby?"

"Please..."

"Please what pet?"

"Please... suck... God..."

"You want me to suck you pet?"

Spike couldn't help but love the fact that he had reduced Angel to this mass of quivering, panting, babbling, incoherent piece of flesh. This was more satisfying than anything. He decided that he had better comply with Angel's request. He sunk his fangs into Angel's femoral artery. A few pulls and Angel came, hard. Thick, opaque, ropey sperm shot all over Angel's belly and chest. Spike licked the wounds closed and then moved to clean off Angel's torso.

He moved back up the body lapping and kissing everywhere, then he placed a deep kiss on Angel's lips, allowing Angel to taste himself. He let out a deep sigh.

"Tasty Peaches... See."

Angel just kissed him again, licking all traces of himself from Spike's mouth.

"Ready for the main event pet?"

Angel's eyes immediately became wide and scared. Spike started to stroke his cock back to life and pull on one nipple. He needed Angel to be able to do this.

"I... I..."

"Shh... not gonna hurt you. Promise. Love ya too damn much to do that."

Angel's eyes flew to Spike's. They seemed slightly less scared but they were wide and wary. Spike pressed a gentle loving kiss to Angel's lips.

"Mean it Baby. Love you."

Angel melted. Tears rolled down his cheeks and he released himself into Spike's care.

"Don't hurt me."

It was barely more than a whisper.

"Never."

Spike kept kissing him. Inside he was crowing at the fact that Angel hadn't rejected him, that he had surrendered. Spike had what he wanted for the first time in one hundred years. He knew now what William had not realised - he loved Angel, Angelus, the body below him.

Spike lifted off the bed and removed his own jeans. His cock was hard and aching with the need for relief. Angel was more important than his own release. He kissed Angel again and moved to lie between Angel's spread legs. He licked the cock, teasing the foreskin down. He sucked the weighty ball sacks into his mouth and rolled them around. He placed light kisses down Angel's perenium and lifted Angel's legs over his shoulders. He parted the pale cheeks and licked at the quivering hole in front of him. He began a slow, teasing rimming, pausing every now and then to push his tongue into the tight ring of muscle or to kiss and bite one of the pale globes.

Angel was shaking again. He was panting - this was too much for him. He began to moan, he couldn't believe how exsiquisite this was. He had never felt this before. It had never been so loving...

Spike quickly licked one finger and eased it inside of Angel. He paused at each stage so that Angel could become used to the invasion. He never wanted to hurt Angel and he wanted to have him again and he needed Angel to want this. He began to slowly piston it in and out of Angel. He felt the muscle loosen and added a second finger. The other hand reached up to stroke Angel's erection. He added a third finger and increased his pace, both thrusting and stroking. He heard Angel scream his name as he came a second time.

He slowed the fingers down, easing Angel down from his orgasmic high. When Angel was back with him, Spike shifted and removed his hands from Angel's body. Gripping the ankles on his shoulders he moved so that his head sat at the entrance to Angel's body. He leaned down and kissed Angel. As he did so he pushed forwards into Angel's bosy. He swallowed the cry that fell from Angel's mouth and braced himself with his hands on either side of Angel's head.

"I'm sorry. Pet it's over now. Not gonna move til your ready yeah."

Spike kept worshipping Angel's face. He kissed lips, cheeks, nose and eyes. He licked away tears and up Angel's cheek bones. He nibbled earlobes and buried himself in thick dark hair. Gradually Angel relaxed and Spike began to rock gently. He didn't dare begin to thrust until he was sure Angel could cope. Slowly, Angel started to rock back and Spike could feel him swell between their stomachs. He withdrew from Angel and felt Angel's hands come up to grip his hair. Slowly, he pushed back in and angled to hit Angel's prostate dead on. Angel'e eyes flew open.

"Good Pet?" It was all Spike could manage whilst beng gripped so fiercely.

"Ugh..." Angel wasn't able to manage anything near a word. He was flying, away from the nightmares.

Gradually Spike picked up the pace, making sure that he hit Angel's prostate everytime. He could feel the coil in his stomach tightening. He was sweating with the effort of the gentle but firm strokes and not going into game face. He did not want to remind Angel of Bat Face. That was another reason that Angel was on his back not his front. This needed to be different.

He felt the muscles in Angel's ass begin to spasm around him and he threaded his fingers through Angel's. He leaned down and whispered, "Bite me luv." licking over the shell of the ear as he spoke. Angel sunk his fangs into Spike's neck and bit down harder as the heady blood forced his orgasm out of him. Feeling Angel bite him and orgasm around him forced Spike over the edge. He bit into Angel's neck as he came. The thick blood sent him soaring and he blacked out with the force of his own climax.

When he awoke, Angel was calm and peaceful. He felt Spike's wieght on him like a heavy and welcomed blanket. He was sticky and sweaty and he had never felt better. His entire body was humming. He felt more alive than he had done in ages. He felt wanted and loved. He was Spike's boy now, he didn't belong to the demons, Donal or the men that had paid him. He belonged to the blue-eyed soul above him.

He felt Spike stir, but he didn't dare speak. He didn't want to lose this feeling. Lazy blue eyes looked at him. Spike didn't move off Angel. He was still buried inside Angel, despite the flaccid nature of his cock. Their hands were still locked together. Spike squeezed Angel's fingers.

"Alright there luv?"

Spike wasn't sure that he wanted the answer. If Angel had been hurt, he'd walk into the sun, he could feel it. This was more than he felt for Buffy or for Dru. This was soul crushing and exciting and terrifying and Spike wanted it more than ever.

"Yeah..."

Angel tightened the grip he had on Spike's fingers and closed his eyes.

"Want me to go..."

Angel didn't answer. He broke their hands and Spike's heart fell. Angel wrapped his arms around Spike and pulled him down into him.

"Never. Never leave me."

"Not going anywhere luv. 'M a possessive bastard Pet. Don't let go when I've got what I want. Not letting you go at all. Your mine now Peaches, all mine."

Angel chuckled and it warmed Spike's heart.

"Kinda guess that from the claiming bite."

"It's staying. Can you handle it? Being my property?"

"I think that I might enjoy being someone's property for once. As long as you love me."

The look in Angel's eyes was that of fear, fear of rejection and Spike kissed it away. Between the kisses he murmured "Love... you... so... bloody... much... not... letting... go... ever..."

Angel caught Spike's face with both hands and forced him to look at him. He smiled, he finally felt at home. Here with Spike was where he belonged. Here he was safe and loved and wanted.

"Good. I love you too."

Spike's eyes opened wide. He was used to being the one to love another. He was used to having another in his bed. He wasn't used to seeing someone love him. He wasn't used to having the power in the relationship. But here, here it was natural. Angel needed to be loved in an all consuming passion. He was dominant in all other parts of his life but he needed to be the subservient one in this. He needed to get used to being loved because he wasn't used to it, he had been used by all who had touched him. Everyone that had touched him had left bruises on him. Spike wanted to ease them. He wanted to take care of Angel, but only if he was wanted. And he was.

He kissed Angel gently.

"OK Baby. Get some sleep. I'm not going anywhere."

Angel smiled and his eyes shut, black lashes fanning over the porcelain cheek.

"Love you."

"Love you too Angel."


End file.
